Jennings Excerpt 1

Excerpt from Boats and Wenches: The High and Low Tides of Leeroy Jennings chapter 42

A hundred or so years ago, the famous explorer Leeroy Jennings decided to find what lied beyond the sea. He procured a great big ship, loaded it with plenty of dead animals to eat, and gathered plenty of strapping young men to sail and row.

Of course, Jennings was not the first to explore the long empty sea. Many had tried the same in the past, but most had found nothing and so turned back, while others still did not return at all. But this was Leeroy fucking Jennings, and he would not be deterred by the failures of lesser men.

He set sail, following the stars to remain on a straight course. After a year had gone by, Jennings proclaimed they had gone farther into the empty sea than any men before. Still they found nothing, just more empty sea.

But Leeroy Jennings would not give up, and so he sailed on. When food ran out they began to fish, but the waters soon grew less hospitable. Waves were wilder, and enough fish to feed his large crew were few and far between.

Weeks later, when tempers were highest and stomachs were emptiest, he saw it. At a point in the water, the sunlight merely stopped. At first he thought it must be clouds, but as he drew closer he could not find a single one hanging overhead. It was as if a large black curtain had been draped over the horizon. It was a black sea, untouched by sun or life of any kind. It went on for as long as he could see, until all faded to black.

How Jennings longed to sail into this new sea. But he could not, he had no food, and his sailors were terrified of what they saw as a terrible omen. But how could he turn back? They had not seen land in over a year’s time, and there were no fish this close to the black sea. So Jennings did what he had to, and played a song.

If you knew Leeroy, you knew he could spin a song. He was an accomplished bard, and so was able to weave the arcane into his voice and lute. Before long, every sailor aboard the ship was asleep. And not long after that, they were dead. Jennings slit their throats, salted their corpses, and dined on them until he reached more accommodating waters. From then he used the leftover bits and pieces to fish, and made his way back home.

He wrote of his experiences in his now famous book ‘Extraordinary Places, Extraordinary Bitches’. While he longed to return to the black sea, he could never again find anyone interested in taking him up on the offer.

Leeroy lived until to see old age, but was eventually killed by the ruler of some minor kingdom. Legend has it the ruler walked in on an orgy containing his mother, his wife the queen, his daughter the royal princess, and the old famous explorer.

Today the black sea is regarded as a myth. Although superstitious sailors still pray to their gods for protection from its dark waters.

Jennings Excerpt 1

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